Inspired by New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s crusade to ban supersized sugary soft drinks from the Big Apple, Mazama has passed a Maximum Body Fat Ordinance to take effect immediately.

“It’s a public health issue,” says local resident Dash Riprock, who led citizens in a series of meetings. “We’re an image-focused, exercise-driven community, and lycra lumps just aren’t part of our vision statement.” Riprock also points to international health studies that show that the leanest people have the longest lifespans.

The new ordinance specifies a maximum body fat level of 7% (men) and 9% (women) for all Mazama residents and visitors who remain longer than 2 days. Body fat monitors have been installed at the Mazama Store, and volunteers with the newly-formed group, Setting Limits in Mazama (SLIM), will conduct random spot checks at all upper valley trailheads.

Citizens who meet the maximum body fat requirements will receive a special wristband to wear (“like a trail pass,” says Riprock). Violators will be blacklisted for baked goods and offered complimentary passes to the fitness center.

“Really it’s no different than the community response to the hut,” says SLIM member Stacey Ironwood, referring to the controversial structure that projects from atop Flagg Mountain. “We’re banding together to help keep the upper valley beautiful…to remove the things that don’t belong in the Mazama landscape. In this case, it just happens to be muffin tops.”