Luddites
by Curtis Edwards

If this thing takes hold you can say it all started at the bakery.

I was in line, waiting for the sinewy bicyclist in front of me to decide whether or not to go for the orange-ginger scone, (as if a couple of ounces of sugary dough would matter when pedaling in from Mazama is just your warm-up). From behind, a conversation poked a hole in the room's chatter and I heard someone ask, "Do you tweet?"

The question wasn't directed at me but my snappy comeback cortex went to work anyway:

"If I'm hit in the head with a big cartoon hammer."
"For the right price."
"Only in church."

But the real reply that came to mind was, "No, dammit, I don't tweet."

"Whoa! Where did THAT come from?" I asked myself as the next athlete in line tackled the scone decision. It's not as though tweeting is akin to secondary smoke. And I'm certainly no stranger to technology – I mean I have a computer. So why Mr. Cranky Pants just because there's yet another electronic way to inform the world of important things like the fact you are waiting in line at the bakery?

I left with coffee and no answer.

A while later I was chatting (the real life kind) in the grocery store parking lot with someone in my demographic circle. It was a departure conversation so it was brief. The topic was Facebook and whether or not avoiding it was like holding on to your record collection. At the end of the chat, as the car started moving, the word "luddite" was tossed out.

It was a turning point.

I thought Luddites were a Protestant sect devoted to the power of lighting. Turns out they are those who, decades ago, resisted (as in smashed) the machines that replaced skilled labor (those running the machine were considered unskilled). These days it applies to anyone who tends to be "anti-technology".

If my natural reaction to new technology like Twitter is resistance, maybe, in my heart, I really am a luddite. And maybe I'm not alone. And maybe, because every establishment needs an anti-establishment, it's time to embrace our luddism and stake out our rightful place in this byte-crazed society.

Maybe it's time for Luddites Local #1.

I can see the logo –muscular untanned arms holding sharpened pencils, the name in perfect penmanship curving across the top, the slogan filling the bottom: "You Click, We'll Scribble", or "Long Live Punctuation", or "In Eye Contact We Trust," or "You Go On Ahead".

It could be big.

In a light-speed age of tweeting, texting, posting, poking, skyping, streaming, blogging and downloads we could be the oasis. Those who still worry every time they click a mouse can come to the meeting and bathe in the sluggish comfort of slow conversation and hard-copy notes. We could create a vision statement – something about being the essential brakeman on a digital express; stand in airports wearing signs that say "I'm Not Connected and I'm Okay"; maybe even start a chain of zero-connectivity cafes where your digital lampreys are stripped at the door like liquids at the airport and your only options are to talk with somebody or eat in twitchy silence.

Those who have a wired phone, bulky television or computer running Windows 98 are automatic members. All the rest of you – you know who you are – are you in? Huh? Are you ready to drop anchor in this swirling data ocean?

Wait.
Hold on a sec.
This is probably my 88-year-old father texting me about his new iPad.

9/17/2011