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Why We Need to Find the Higgs Boson
by David Asia
We need to find the Higgs Boson
Because it was maybe
The Great Verb
In the Big Bang
Which is to blame for why
Everything today is
So far apart and expensive.
And if we find it
We can buy HB Detectors
For our homes
Like we did for radon gas
For twenty one ninety five
And an alarm will go off
Giving us time to duck and cover
Like they told us to do
During the cuban missile crisis.
This time though they want us
To duck tape ourselves
To the underside
Of our little twig
In this ever thinning thicket of evolution
Which many of our relatives
To this day
Refuse to call home
Because of still being too mortified
From when the chimpanzees
Actually showed up for Thanksgiving
And redid the upstairs in feces
Thank you
And all because of a little shit
They won’t accept
The Fundamental Premise
And will perish
In the Great Oxymoron
Of the Second Singularity
Which will come to be called the Rupture
And those ruptured will
Most likely be incinerated
Which means they won’t be buried
In some great, heroic shale in Canada
For the rest of us
Still red and hairless
From being so unnaturally untaped
To dig up
And carbon date.
7/10/2012
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