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Hydroplane Races Slated for Patterson Lake

Struggling to make the new Discover Pass more popular, real but unidentified state officials have given the go-ahead for a holiday weekend of hydroplane races on Patterson Lake. Legislation has already been passed to temporarily increase the maximum engine horsepower on the lake from 8 to 1200.

Asked why they chose such a radical departure for the notably serene body of water a second official, who may or may not exist, said, "Hey – we're reaching here. If we're gonna get people to pay thirty bucks to park in a gravel lot we have to give them a little more than just a chance to paddle around and catch crappie."

A not-to-be-named, but very well-dressed, representative of Sun Mountain Lodge said that after spending an hour going through the seven stages of grief they decided to just go with the whole idea.

"For that weekend we'll be allowing up to 40 guests per cabin at Patterson Lake, adding a beer garden, and installing outdoor fireplaces made from old washing machine tubs", said the representative. "Besides, our guests up at the lodge might appreciate something different to listen to besides all those monotonous birds."

The winner of each of the 64 heats will receive a Discover Pass.


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